How to Merit and Maintain Others’ Trust

I would like to share some words of wisdom from a book I am currently reading.

Part 3 – How to Merit and Maintain Others’ Trust

1. Avoid Arguments

1. We will face conflict nearly every day of our lives. So how do we prevent a tactful discussion from becoming an aggressive argument? In the end you must value interdependence higher than independence and understand that deferential negotiation is more effective in the long run than a non-compliant crusade.
2. Two people cannot fight if one person doesn’t want to. How, then do we build a practice of avoiding arguments? See the singular advantage of operating interdependently.
3. All of us know how to get attention, but few of us know how to get attention and respect at the same time. Set yourself apart by being one who avoids the arguments that most jump into with both feet.

1. Never Say, “You’re Wrong”

1. The best solution, wisest decision and brightest idea nearly always exist outside of what one party brings to the table. Yet we find it quite easy to declare another person wrong, often before we’ve taken the time to consider what he or she is saying.
2. Even when we believe another is wrong, there is only one way to guarantee an unenviable end to an interaction and all chance of connection or meaningful collaboration, and that is to tell the other person we think so.
3. Nuance, or subtle difference, is a critical concept to remember in the midst of disagreement. In most disputes, our differences with others are far subtler than we allow ourselves to see. We so easily treat dissonance like a chasm that cannot be crossed-the only resolution being one party taking a dive (or being shoved off a cliff), so that only one party remains. It’s far from the truth.

“Friendship that insists upon agreement on all matters is not worth the name,” exhorted Mahatma Gandhi. “Friendship to be real must ever sustain the weight of honest differences, however sharp they be”

1. The truth is that disagreement is more often a small crack in the sidewalk that can easily be negotiated if we come to the discussion table with a more open mind.
2. Always default to diplomacy. Admit that you may be wrong. Concede that the other person may be right. Be agreeable. Ask questions.

And above all, consider the situation from the other’s perspective and show that person respect.

1. Such a humble approach leads to unexpected relationships, unexpected collaboration, and unexpected results.